Eh? What did you say?

From CNN:  "Viagra Associated with Hearing Loss"


http://pagingdrgupta.blogs.cnn.com/2010/05/19/viagra-associated-with-hearing-loss/?hpt=Sbin


Is anyone really surprised by this?


I suppose it is nice to have medical proof that a man with a boner can't hear worth a damn.


And it also makes me wonder if knowing that Viagra has this side-effect might not trigger other non-medical applications. Such as for middle-aged parents with a screaming two-year-old.


It also makes me wonder why there aren't more medications with "good" side-effects.


Except, well, of course, there is Viagra itself, which was originally marketed as a treatment for high blood pressure until it was discovered to have other, um, uplifting effects.


Then there was Minoxidil (Rogaine), which was also originally marketed as a treatment for high blood pressure, which helped raise things of a follicular nature.


Do I sense a pattern here? (And I am not referring to the "high blood pressure".)


Why aren't there more "good" side-effects that benefit women?


Wouldn't it be nice to find that the same drugs that you take to control your PMS were found to also reduce cellulite?


Or that your anti-depressant also made your breasts perky?


Or, maybe best of all, that Retin-A in addition to smoothing your wrinkles also selectively effected your short-term memory so that suddenly all those stories and jokes you've heard a million times are suddenly fresh and funny...


Oh, wait, that really isn't a change in pattern, is it?

Performance Evaluation Haiku

For all you corporate drones who either will be writing and/or receiving a Performance Evaluation, I offer for your consideration a way to complete the exercise in a more, um, poetic style:


When you told the boss
To go fuck himself, and how:
Career limiting


Sitting in your cube
Messaging your FaceBook friends
Deadlines? What deadlines?


"How am I doing?"
(Feedback is what you wanted)
"Here is how you blow."


When I asked your boss
Your greatest accomplishment
He began to laugh


3 percent for you!
You are our top performer!
Can't you feel the love?


They say we put the
"fun" in "dysfunctional"
But look at our stock!


Your project was great!
But your boss took the credit.
This is what they do.


Your job is outsourced
to five Bangalore engineers.
Better cost-structure.



And now, your turn, people. Come on, give me a 5-7-5!

Unexpected Things I Learned

Unexpected things I have learned in the past week:

• A 74 y.o., 300 lb, man can have a heart rate of 20 beats/minute and still be conscious enough to obsess over his not having been allowed to have a bowel movement in the ambulance on the way to the ER.
• It takes 30 minutes to implant a pacemaker and leaves a 1.5 inch incision that can super glued closed.
• Cardiologists at Seton ROCK!
• Bowel obsession will continue, with graphic description of frequency, consistency and size until enough laxatives have been administered to regulate a horse.
• The hospital frowns upon the possession of hunting knives by their patients.
• If your father, in a telephone conversation with your brother, begins to monologue on the differences between blacks (not his word) and whites, then it is guaranteed that the nurse on duty will come in to take vitals and she will be black.
• If you are on Medicare, you must stay 3 nights in a hospital before being transferred to Assisted Living, if you want them to continue coverage. Three nights is defined by "three midnights." If the doctor writes discharge orders prior to those three midnights having been passed, then you will scramble to find some place, any place to take your absolutely-not-ready-to-go-home father.
• Some rehabilitation hospitals have lower standards of admissions than others.
• Apparently, masking tape, Glues All, aforementioned hunting knife, and a spool of wire are absolute Must Haves when in rehabilitation.
• You can lose 20 lbs in one week once your water pills and water consumption are monitored.
• Having and caring for an elderly parent is a lot like having another child. Except they will become less independent over time and more stubborn.