For all you corporate drones who either will be writing and/or receiving a Performance Evaluation, I offer for your consideration a way to complete the exercise in a more, um, poetic style:
When you told the boss
To go fuck himself, and how:
Career limiting
Sitting in your cube
Messaging your FaceBook friends
Deadlines? What deadlines?
"How am I doing?"
(Feedback is what you wanted)
"Here is how you blow."
When I asked your boss
Your greatest accomplishment
He began to laugh
3 percent for you!
You are our top performer!
Can't you feel the love?
They say we put the
"fun" in "dysfunctional"
But look at our stock!
Your project was great!
But your boss took the credit.
This is what they do.
Your job is outsourced
to five Bangalore engineers.
Better cost-structure.
And now, your turn, people. Come on, give me a 5-7-5!
When you told the boss
To go fuck himself, and how:
Career limiting
Sitting in your cube
Messaging your FaceBook friends
Deadlines? What deadlines?
"How am I doing?"
(Feedback is what you wanted)
"Here is how you blow."
When I asked your boss
Your greatest accomplishment
He began to laugh
3 percent for you!
You are our top performer!
Can't you feel the love?
They say we put the
"fun" in "dysfunctional"
But look at our stock!
Your project was great!
But your boss took the credit.
This is what they do.
Your job is outsourced
to five Bangalore engineers.
Better cost-structure.
And now, your turn, people. Come on, give me a 5-7-5!
End of year bonus:
ReplyDeleteHot chocolate assortment.
Better than pink slip.
Homage to Office Space:
ReplyDeleteMichael Bolton cries.
Peter gets a promotion.
HP printer smashed.
You're the only one
ReplyDeleteTo leave a comment for me
You must really suck;
:)
working means nothing
ReplyDeleteand i find temporary
solace in haiku
internet outage,
ReplyDeletefor some it is maddening,
but it gives me hope.
you there fine worker
ReplyDeletehow much productive are you
the bees pay no heed
friday taunts with a
ReplyDeleterotten carrot, monday looms
with falsified hope
love that last one, Dick.
ReplyDeleteBoss says,
ReplyDeleteMust increase your visibility.
WTF! Long hours moot?
Your self-evaluation is honest,
ReplyDeleteso your boss screws you.
Thanks boss.
Nervous before performance evaluation:
ReplyDeleteI don't have a life.
Please give me a big
ReplyDeleteraise so I can look at myself
in the mirror.
Long hours, broken relationship.
ReplyDeleteBoss pats my head.
Is this why I work?
Review quote:
ReplyDelete"Stop and smell the roses."
Maybe job not so important.
Pat on the head and
ReplyDeletekick in the ass OR kick in
the head and pat on the ass.