The Mouth May Lie...

Awhile back I went to a conference, and one of the breakout sessions was on communication. It was a panel discussion, and while all of the participants were interesting one in particular stood out.

Her name was Jan Hargrave, and she is a leading authority in non-verbal communication. Fascinating woman, and a powerful speaker. Her topic was a short primer about what has become for her a life focus, and it started with the statement, "The mouth may lie, but the body does not." She went on to talk about how to read someone's non-verbal cues to infer whether they are confident and telling the truth, or whether they are lying.

From what I have read about her, she is a pretty popular guest on some day time talk shows. She has also written several books on the topic. But this was my first exposure to her, and while it is hard to say whether the information she shared is truly helpful, it was at least thought provoking and entertaining. 

She is a slight woman with a large presence. She reminded me of Annie Lennox, but with jet black hair. And she moves with total control and precision, as if every gesture had been pre-meditated.

She talked about how she has been consulted by attorneys to help them in jury selection and also to help them determine how truthful a witness might be. To demonstrate, she has each of us raise our right hand, as if we were to be sworn in. Then she analyzed the way in which we held our hands. Go ahead...try it now...raise your right hand and say, " I swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help me God."  And freeze that pose.

Now, look at your hand.

If your fingers are widely spread, you will tell the truth.

If your fingers are held tightly together, you will tell the truth, but you're not going to volunteer it. They may have to pull it out of you. 

If some of your fingers are together and other apart, then it’s a worst possible combination of the above two: some truths you will volunteer easily, and others they will have to work to get.

And, finally, if the fingers of the hand are curved, or cupped...well...you will tell them what they want to hear, or what suits your purpose best. Liar, liar, pants on fire.

Jan also went on to describe gestures those who are lying use when talking, and explained that because telling lies takes creativity, these gestures tend to involve the left side of the body. The right side of brain, the part that controls creativity, intuition, and subjectivity, controls the left side of the body.  She suggested that when talking to someone about a matter than involves the truth to be aware of the following:

• Tugging or pulling on the left ear with the left hand.
• Rubbing the nose with the left hand.
• Covering the mouth with the left hand.

It made me think about how one of my idiosyncratic gestures is to sometimes twirl my hair, on the left side of my head, with my left hand. And that the only times I do this is when I am lost in thought over a problem or situation that I am brainstorming. A physical manifestation of my creativity?

Jan shared more about her work, and gave more entertaining stories to illustrate the art of interpreting non-verbal communication. She has a website, if you are interested in learning more about her and/or this topic:http://www.janhargrave.com/

One word of caution however: Think twice before you try out the "raise your hand and swear to tell the truth" game, especially with your friends. You (or they) might not like the interpretation.

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